Rules of Attending A Marcus Foster, Bobby Long, and Sam Bradley Show

I was lucky enough to see all these fellows sing and play together recently in Dallas at Poor David's Pub. It was an absolutely brilliant show and I was seriously struck by how very passionate they are about what they're doing.. It was a beautiful thing to watch.... I was also struck by how douchebaggish some females are.... for those ladies.. I am giving you a quick crash course on how to behave. There are some common sense Do's and Don'ts .... Some of ya'll obviously did not get the memo.

1. While at their shows.... DO NOT ASK ABOUT Robert Pattinson. Let me repeat that because that is the #1 tacky faux pas EVER. DO NOT ASK ABOUT Robert Pattinson. They are in themselves, THE MAIN EVENT... they are fantastic performers, songwriters, and artists.... they are not Rob's little friends that you came to see in the off chance that he might A. Be there... or B. You might get to him through his mates. If that's the reason you go to the shows... please stop it. Go home... watch Twilight again and masterbate yourself to sleep (like you always do) with dreams of Edward. You are a waste of a ticket, space, and alchohol.

2. This one is an add on to #1. Come in closer to read this, it's important.... They are NOT going to pass on a message, your phone number, your panties, a message and your phone number written on your panties to Rob. Above everything else.. they are his friends... why in the fuck would they sic a scary delusional chick like you on someone they care about.

3. Now general common sense rule.... if it's a small venue... keep your screaming below a sonic boom please... trust me... they will still hear and appreciate you if you keep it a few decibels lower... They might even walk out with their hearing intact, which would be awesome seeing as tone deaf goes badly with musical performance. I'm just throwing this one out there.

4. STOP PEEING ON THE FUCKING TOILET SEATS!! I mean really...

5. There IS a thing as too low cut..... if you are CONSTANTLY tucking the girls back into place... your shirt is either A. Too small or you should have used superglue when getting dressed.

6. No glitter after 30. No exceptions. Actually... no glitter period unless you're 5 and it came out of your Tinkerbell make-up kit.

7. If you are 10 ft. tall... DO NOT stand in front of me! And even worse, do not keep shifting over everytime I adjust myself so that I too can actually see the show I paid and traveled 4 1/2 hrs to see.

8. If you think you might be a stalker.... you are. If you DO NOT think you may be a stalker... but display all the classic stalker tendencies... you are.

9. Please stop setting up a network of spies to continuiosly stalk the place and report back periodically so that you can pounce them the second they leave the dressing room. This goes back to #8..... if you are guilty of that... you are.

And finally 10. Actually I can't think of a ten so just pretend I said something.....

So there are your rules... Learn them, Live them, you don't have to love them... but do learn and live them. Thanks.