Sometimes, there's so much to say that I can't say anything at all. There's so much tumbling through my head at all times that I can't unwind a single thread enough to pick it from the tangled snarl of my thoughts. And so, I end up writing a blog post like this... where I say nothing. Every day I am pulled in so many directions... family, friends, career.... and since I can't concentrate on any of them I suffer in all of them. Changes need to happen. Sacrifices are coming. Though it hurts my heart to do so... the suffering of one will increase so that I can focus more fully on another. It's not a lack of love, I swear... it's a lack of progress.
To you, my friends... I love you. If I've seemed distant it's only because I have to now. Please remember that even if my presence is few and far between... that not a day goes by that I don't think of you, and care about you, and hope for you.
To you, my husband who will never read this... You say that my choices are putting a strain on our family... Without trying to be dramatic at all, I'm telling you that I am trying to save not only my family but also my own life. I don't want to resent or hate the ones I love most because I gave up my dreams. We would not survive. I see this clearly even if you cannot.
To you, my children...... I love you more than any people on the planet. Every day I tell you that you can be anything that you can dream of, as long as you work hard every day and give everything that you have. Mama is trying to show you by example that the opinions of others don't matter. Look at your goal and go forward. One day I hope you are as proud of me as I have been of you since the minutes you were both born.
Forgive me for not being able to be all for everyone. But know that I wouldn't change a thing about my life and the people who are in it.
